Prelude to Introduction

I always had some form of evidencing the time passing by.
I do not care much for hours and days, and months - I am referring to that inner time.
There was always some sort of 'chart' - chart of personal development in a form of writing, drawing, taking pictures or recordings.. Some kind of evidence of my life, as if I feared that I might be passing through it not noticing, or wondering, or understanding, or trying hard enough.
I'm not sure if that is the case or am I just trying to give meaning to things I do, but one thing is certain - I do think life is a puzzle, and I can't help myself trying to solve it.

In the past few years I haven't had almost any form of keeping track of time - that personal, developmental time. There is no reflection of the effect it had on me.

I have taken a lot of pictures in those years though, but as I'm going through those pictures now, I'm noticing this small little detail.
- I'm barely on any of them.

So,why am I not on them? And why does that matter?

I started thinking about what have I been doing in those years, and another detail popped up.
- I have stopped doing all the things that make me happy, the things that I normally do for personal pleasure.
But why? What happened to me?

I tried to figure out where I've been? What was going on? ..was I happy?? (as If my mind was gone and my body was leading it's own life !)

So after some serious thinking, I figured out what is off about it all, what's missing.
- I am missing. I am not there. The same way that I'm missing in those photos; I am missing in my own life. Now that's an abstract reflection of time passing by!

But what does it all mean? And still, why does my absence in the pictures matter?
- I'm sitting aside, taking pictures...I am not participating. I'm off the chart.
Escaping memories that I don't want to have? I don't think so, I AM taking pictures, I am just not in them.
(lightning flashes, thunder in the distance, and the tree is on fire! - primitive form of a light bulb!)
- That's what I've become, an Observer!!!

I do not like Observers, and this is my resistance to 'Observationism',my 'Life interpretation' - while trying to get back IN.

So, let's start by mingling!